suppression.

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i couldn’t handle waiting any longer.. so i emailed dr. b this morning. he called me immediately. have i mentioned i love him?

my labs were all perfect. i am finally, fully, wonderfully, 100% ready. finally.

dr. b and i talked for a good 30 mins.. again, i love him. no rushing me, answers all of my questions thoroughly without getting annoyed.. he’s the best. so.. here’s the protocol i know thus far:

* bcps for 18 days total, starting today.
* start lupron injections, 10 units/day between 5-9pm, after 14 days of bcps.. so that means september 3rd..
* lupron injections continue while bcps stop.. wait for bleeding
* baseline testing
* stimming with gonal F and luveris and antibiotics for steve and i for 5 days.
* the rest should be interesting.

so…. i took my first pill!! only 17 to go!!!!!!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we talked about some other things including the number of embryos he thinks i should have transfered, i just wanted to hear his opinion.. he thinks what i think.. definitely not only one.. most likely two.. three if there are any issues with the grade of embryos.. definitely not more than three. and we talked about the 1/2 ICSI thing.. i told him that this is our one chance at IVF so we want to do whatever we can.. he totally agreed.. he’s pretty sure that we will do that. give some a chance to fertilize naturally.. and help some others. they keep note of which embryos were done naturally and ICSI’d, and when choosing embryos to transfer they obviously chose which ever are the best, but say there are two identically forming embryos, then will pick the naturally fertilized one over an ICSI’d one. make sense. anyhoo.. it was nice to have it all explained and be in total agreement with him.

so i immediately took my first pill.. then emailed steve with all this fun information. in his response he said “hooray for birth control! so did you instantly start hating me yet? sorry you’re going to feel so awful… i’m just glad we’ve made it this far!” at least he’s fully prepared to deal with a hormonal disaster as bcps make me suicidally depressed, no joke. i wrote back, “yes i hate you now. hehe. but seriously, i apologize in advance for any horrid behavior i might throw at you. i love you. you are wonderful. you are not evil. i don’t hate you. even if i say i do some days.” .. it’s going to be really hard to not take my hormones out on him.. at least he knows i don’t mean it.

anyway.. weeeeee!!!! so happy to be on drugs again!!!!!!!! it’s weird to think i’m going to be taking at least one type of drug every day until i’m either several weeks pregnant or until it’s over. lots of drugs. oh i hope dr. b. can get some for free..

i hate this. for a few days i’ve been completely and totally convinced that it’s going to work. but i just can’t let my hopes get too high. i can’t stop thinking that darby is coming back to me in a different form.

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